So, what is this incredibly important thing that you need to be doing? What do you think it is?
Well, it’s that you need to be loving yourself more. Now, if I said to you right now how much out of a hundred percent do you love yourself? I would pretty much guarantee that most people would not be very high scoring and the reason for that is because we simply are not taught to do it. We are not taught that it is okay to love ourselves. But if you don’t love yourself, if you don’t recognise your own worthiness and love yourself enough, then unfortunately nobody else is going to be able to. Nobody else can do it, the way you can do it. You know yourself better than anyone else does and if you don’t do it, then you’re not going to be able to love others in your life, as much as you want to. I’m sure you recognise the truth in that when you consider it and think about it.
So, it’s so important that you love yourself more. If you don’t, if you allow that cup of love inside of you to be emptied by giving too much to other people and not filling up your cup of love for yourself, then your journey can be derailed. Your life can become hard and difficult and you can struggle with all sorts of things. I want you to live the best experience of life that you can. So, I’ll ask you again, do you love yourself? Or do you have some work to do in that area?
I took some time for me to learn how to love myself. I remember that there wasn’t a particular moment in time when I just decided that loving myself more was what I need to do and then figured out how to do it. For me it was a long, hard journey and that is why I’m talking to you about it today. I’d like to make your journey to loving yourself much easier than it was for me. My turning point started when I read a book called “Dying To Be Me.” The book was written by Anita Moorjani, who had a near-death experience. Anita came back from that near-death experience and she wrote the story of the journey that she was on. She said that the most important thing that she learned on that journey, was that we need to love ourselves more. It’s a simple thing, but we just don’t do it enough.
In fact, majority of the time we’re taught the opposite, aren’t we? We’re taught that it’s not okay to love yourself. It’s not okay to think too much of yourself, or it’s not okay to be up yourself and all those similar kinds of statements that we are exposed to in our childhood. It is this upbringing that has shaped us into thinking that it’s not okay. However, loving yourself is absolutely crucial. It really is crucial for you to live your best life.
If you need some guidance in how to love yourself more, then start by following the 5 simple steps that I’m going to outline below. When I say simple, I don’t necessarily mean easy, but if you follow these simple steps, then you will have a really good possibility of loving yourself more.
Recognise Your Own Worthiness
The first step is perhaps the hardest of all the steps. It is to recognise your own worthiness. Now again, if I asked you, do you feel worthy? I would guess that a lot of people would say ‘no’. When you realise that you are already worthy and that there’s nothing that you have to prove, then it’s much easier to love yourself. Until you get that sense of worthiness, it’s really difficult to love yourself. Does that make sense to you? If you don’t feel worthy, then you’ll look for all sorts of reasons not to do the self-love activities.
Now most of the time, especially through early childhood, we’re looking for others to approve of us, to give us love, to make us feel worthy and unfortunately a lot of us carry that through into our adult lives. So, if you don’t already recognise your own worthiness, you will need to do some work on that and perhaps you will need to go back to whatever it is that’s caused you to believe that you’re not worthy, and you need to clear it.
Now, if you’ve worked with me before, you’ll know that I use this strange clearing technique, called Emotional Freedom Techniques. The Emotional Freedom Technique can help you to identify the place where you began to feel unworthy, because you weren’t conceived feeling unworthy. It’s happened in the period of your human life. If you still find yourself looking to others for their approval, and for you to feel good about yourself, then that’s a real clue that you need to do some work on this area and clear whatever it is from the past. That way you can get to the point of feeling worthy within yourself, without having to do anything to prove it to anybody, and then take the steps of loving yourself.
Take Time For Yourself
The second step in this process, is to take time for yourself. You need to rejuvenate yourself. You need to actually take time for meditation, or some yoga, or some walking on the beach, or just some time for thinking. I’ve spoken to some people recently who work seven days a week. That means they don’t have any time at all to take time off, and just think, and be, and enjoy being a ‘human being’, rather than being a ‘human doing’. You’re not a human doing, you are a human being and it’s time to give yourself the gift of time.
Perhaps you could give yourself the gift of a massage, or some time to meditate, some time to listen to music, or walk on the beach, or in the rainforest, whatever it is that lights you up. That’s what you need to do to rejuvenate. You wouldn’t try to drive your car without fuel in your tank, now would you? But so many of us try to drive our bodies without spiritual fuel, without giving ourselves a break, giving ourselves time. So, I really recommend that you take that step of giving yourself time and feeling more connected to who you really are.
Once you do these first two steps, once you’re feeling worthy and you’re taking time for yourself, you’re actually showing others that you respect yourself. So, the big question is ‘will you do that?’ Will you take time for yourself this week, tomorrow or today? Will you take time for yourself and actually take care of yourself? To feed yourself spiritually, if you want to think of it that way, or even to just sit in nature? No matter how you decide to do it, it will feel good to know you’re on the right track.
You’re Not Here Just To Serve Others
The third step that you need to take is understand that you’re not here just to serve others. Now, I think I’m probably talking more to women here than men, but I’m sure many men do this too. We are brought up as carers and we do spend a lot of time caring for others. Often doing what we think we need to do, to make other people’s lives better.
Now this is a wonderful trait and I’m not going to tell you not to do it, but rather what I’m saying is that you need to do it from a place of fullness for yourself. If you keep doing it from a place of emptiness, you’re not going to actually be able to achieve it because it’s not sustainable. You know you want to keep sharing the best of you with others and that is really wonderful, and that will make your life good, but if you’re doing that and you’re burning yourself out at the same time, then that is not so good, is it? The idea is to fuel yourself up first and then you will have a lot more to give to others and you will be doing it from a place of joy, not from a place of resentment or hurt.
Be Kind To Yourself
The fourth step is to be kind to yourself. Now, this is a thread that winds through a lot of what I talk about. I’ve heard so many clients say “I don’t know how to do that”, “How do I love myself?”. A starting point would be to actually start to be kinder to yourself.
One way to achieve this is when you hear yourself saying, “Oh god, you’re stupid,” or “Oh no, you’ve done it again,” or, whatever your common put-down tape is, just soften that self-talk because you want to be kind to yourself. You wouldn’t do or say these things to a best friend, so you want to treat yourself as though you are that best friend.
By showing others that you’re loving yourself, they’re going to love you and respect you too. Be your own best friend. You know yourself better than anyone else does, if you’re waiting for someone else to love you enough so that you can love yourself, then that is never going to work. You don’t want to keep on that road. You want to actually be able to separate yourself from the expectation of others, love yourself enough, and then others will see it and then they can love you. The most important thing is that you love yourself first.
Fill Up Your Own Cup
Finally, the most important step here is to fill up your own cup! I’m sure you’ve all heard flight attendants tell you “here’s the oxygen mask, please secure your own mask first before helping others”. It’s exactly the same concept here, you’ve got to put your own love in your cup, before you can take care of others. So, fill that cup up! Be the best version of yourself!
Things Can Change Amazingly For You
If you focus and implement these five steps, things can change amazingly for you. When you take these five steps and you’re actually taking responsibility to love yourself more, without expecting it from someone else, then things will turn around for you.
You know, before I started my journey I was in victim-mode. I was blaming other people because my life wasn’t turning out the way I wanted it to be. However, when I started to figure out that it was me creating my experience, then I could love myself more. Then I could have a better version of the life that I always wanted. Now things turned around for me and that can happen for you as well. So, I want you to make an undertaking with me today, that you’ll at least try loving yourself more and going through these steps every day for the next month.
I want to you to wake up every morning and think how can I be kinder to myself today, what can I do that will give me the feeling of being more loved by myself today?
If you’d like to learn more, then I’d love you to visit my website at personalpeace.com.au. On the website you’ll find the books that I’ve written, you’ll find some videos and you’ll discover lots of information that could assist you in your journey.
Until next time, bye for now.