You are not alone!
Between 30 and 50% of relationships in Australia fail to such a degree that they are ended, leaving a trail of brokenness and heartbreak.
Even worse is the number of families, with children, who are continuing to live in distressing situations where fighting is an accepted norm.
It is not normal to fight with the person you love. It is not normal to fight with the Mother or Father of your children in front of those children. Children blame themselves for the fighting and the struggles. Even if you take care not to let them hear the fight, they will feel the energy of the distress that their Mum and Dad are feeling. Even if you tell them the fighting is not their fault, they will still have thoughts like: ‘I must be unlovable, because if I was lovable enough they would not fight’. Children feel they should be able to fix everything and if they can’t it must be because something is lacking in themselves.
This is not logical, but it is most definitely the way children think.
It is the way many of my adult clients thought when they were growing up as the children in families where there was constant distress.
Now, I am not saying that your family is dysfunctional if it is not 100% happy all of the time. If it was the case that your family was 100% happy all the time, I would be concerned. It is not possible. Life does not allow us to be happy 100% of the time and issues that we need to work on will always come up in our relationships, our workplace or in the goals that we set for ourselves, and then sabotage.
Can you get close to 100% happy? Well that is a big ask, but what you can do is to give yourself permission, when you are not happy, to reach for a better feeling thought. You can train yourself to focus on thoughts that feel better and better. Eventually you can be in a position that no matter what is going on around you, you can be in a good feeling place. I know this to be true because I have worked on it and achieved it. I have helped many many clients into this state of happiness too! Once you can find that level of good feeling, your relationship will be amazing!
I would love you to come along to one of my ‘Save Your Relationship – Save Yourself’ 90-minute talks, in which I will share with you the three (3) biggest mistakes we make in relationships and what you can do to ensure that your relationship does not suffer the consequences of these mistakes.